Terms of Service — E.A.T.I.T.

⚠️ Important Notice: This is a humorous, satirical project created for entertainment purposes only. By using this website, you acknowledge that you understand it's a joke.

1. What This Is

The Epstein Evidence Archive for Truth & Integrity (E.A.T.I.T.) is a satirical entertainment project. It is:

NOT a real research institution
NOT affiliated with any government agency
NOT a background check service
NOT a legal certification authority

The "certificates" generated by this website are novelty items with zero legal standing.

2. What You're Submitting

When you use our form, you are submitting a text string. This string:

Does not have to be your name
Does not have to be anyone's real name
Can be any combination of characters you choose
Is entirely voluntary

We do not verify identity. We cannot verify identity. We don't want to verify identity. Enter "Mickey Mouse" if you want — we genuinely don't care.

3. What We Do With It

We take your input, search a public database of documents, and tell you if that exact text string appears. That's it. The search is performed via the Duggan Public Records API, which indexes publicly available documents.

4. The Certificates Mean Nothing

Let us be absolutely clear: the certificates generated by E.A.T.I.T. are humorous novelty items. They:

Have no legal validity
Prove nothing about anyone
Should not be used for any official purpose
Are essentially fancy memes

5. Not Legal Advice

Nothing on this website constitutes legal advice. If you need actual legal advice, please consult a real lawyer, not a satirical website with a silly acronym.

6. Limitation of Liability

We are not responsible for:

How you use your certificate
What others think of your certificate
Any consequences of sharing your certificate
Your sense of humor (or lack thereof)
Literally anything else

This website is provided "as is" without any warranties. Use it for laughs, not for LinkedIn clout. Actually, you know what, use it for LinkedIn clout too — we can't stop you.

7. Acceptable Use

Don't use this service to:

Harass or defame others
Commit fraud (seriously, who would even try?)
Overload our servers with automated requests
Do anything illegal in your jurisdiction

8. Changes to Terms

We may update these terms whenever we feel like it. Continued use of the site means you accept whatever new ridiculous terms we come up with.

9. Agreement

By using this website, you agree that:

You understand this is a joke
You won't sue us (please)
You have a sense of humor
You accept full responsibility for what you do with your certificate